7 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self as a Black Woman Joining a Panhellenic Sorority

Over five years ago, I made one of the best decisions of my life. To be honest, it has taken many of those years to come to such a conclusion. My second semester of my freshman year at Rutgers University, I made the choice to join Greek Life, more specifically, a Panhellenic sorority. Leading up to this choice, I like to think I did my due diligence. I went to the involvement fairs and up to each chapter’s table. I participated in primary recruitment and was initiated into a sorority of some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Looking back, I could have done all the research in the world about each chapter, Panhellenic, Greek Life in general. None of which would have prepared me for the reality of being a woman of color, specifically a Black woman, in a Panhellenic sorority. While I look back on my sorority experience with great fondness, I cannot help but think of all the advice my younger self needed. So, to the young Black woman standing in her white dress preparing to join a life-changing sisterhood, here’s a few things you should know….

1)   Be intentional; find your people!

Sitting in front of the Wendy’s in our campus center, I had one of the best conversations with a sister who would eventually become my big. One could argue it was the sheer ease of conversation, the unexpected divulging of embarrassing memories, the shared laughs from our unique sense of humor. She understood me. She empathized with my experiences, spoken and unspoken. She prepared me for feelings and thoughts that I would face due to my Blackness. In every instance, she created space for my Blackness to be loved and celebrated. Find your people for the affirming glances across the room, the reminiscing of cultural references, and motivation to overcome the inevitable exhaustion of being Black in a white space.

2)   It’s not you, it’s them* (*societal beauty standards)

Like the world we live in, euro-centric features are subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) celebrated and valued most in Panhellenic organizations. My second year in my chapter, a fraternity on campus was having their annual philanthropy event; you could call it a pageant of sorts. Each sorority chose a sister from their chapter to compete. Our chapter wanted someone with stage presence, passion, and humor. Yet there was one trait that remained unspoken–any chance of winning meant choosing a sister who had the “look.” You might ask yourself what is this “look”.

Realize you were never ugly but simply a Black woman in white Greek life.

3)   Occasional regret is normal.

When someone would mistakenly assume that my Greek affiliation was with a historically Black organization (Divine Nine), I would suddenly become hesitant to disclose my membership in a Panhellenic organization. It felt as though my choice of sorority was up for question and in need of a justification. Did I join a Panhellenic organization for proximity to whiteness? Or, did I join in spite of the exclusionary history and residual effects that prevented the belonging of Black women? I would be lying if I said that I never thought about what I missed out on by not joining a historically Black sorority.

Black spaces are imperative to any community. However, Black people should not be limited to experiences and success exclusively in these Black spaces. My Greek experience is one I chose with the expectation to have access to the same opportunities as my white counterparts.

4)   Do not become the default D&I chair/committee

The Black Lives Matter movement ignited an urgency within organizations to establish or emphasize their diversity and inclusion efforts. Regardless of how effective these efforts have been, many of these organizations have yet to recognize how they disproportionately rely on people of color to develop and create these initiatives. To be one of the few people of a marginalized identity in the room, and on top of that, you are then tasked with “tending to the burns of a fire you never started”, is emotional taxation you cannot afford. Being Black does not make you responsible for the solution, but simply all too familiar with the problems.

5)   Sisterhood = accountability.

One of the biggest lessons I learned in college was that good intentions do not always elicit positive impacts. Whether speaking from a place of ignorance or privilege, my sisters would sometimes say things that were ultimately problematic. Immediately in my head I think, “YIKES!” When it’s someone you have a great relationship with, explaining to them how their words or actions are hurtful can be so awkward.  I often thought “Is it worth saying anything?... I know they didn’t mean it like that…Maybe I am the one taking it the wrong way.” It may be easier to simply ignore the impact and avoid a challenging conversation. However, the best sisterhood is the kind of sisterhood that nurtures and reveals the best versions of ourselves. Surround yourself with sisters who are willing to have these tough conversations to make us, not just better sisters to one another, but better people in this world. One must know better in order to do better.

6)   Be at the table and not just in the room.

You deserve a chapter that doesn’t just have Black women in their membership. You deserve a chapter that has Black women in positions of leadership. My racial identity was not a notable factor to my sisters, until I found myself in a position of leadership. My Blackness gave me a perspective that made me question tradition, be fearless of criticism, and passionate about change. When this perspective is brought to the place where decisions are made, there is an assurance that our identity is being taken into account. This chapter becomes one that doesn’t just include us, but is finally for us. An assurance that we did not have before. Take that seat at the table.                           

7)   Be Black with a capital-B!

My absolute favorite memory of my Panhellenic experience is the day we received our chapter composite. Delivered to the front door of our chapter house, many of my sisters and I eagerly ripped the packaging off the 4’x3’ framed photo. There I was at the top of the composite, with my name and “Chapter President” right below. Watching it get hung on the wall, I found myself unexpectedly emotional. Looking at all the tiny little headshots of our members and at the very top, dead center, was this young, Black woman. Looking at the picture of me, all I saw was the fulfillment of my ancestors’ wildest dream.

To my younger self, not only will you be a part of an organization originally built to exclude you, but you will one day be at the helm. A legacy paved with Blackness at the forefront.

Simone brooks

(she/her/hers)

is a leadership expert and consultant who delivers high-energy and authentic presentations that challenge audiences to focus on opportunities to instill equity and belonging, organically, within their organizations. Through meaningful connections and lifelong tools, she prepares her audiences for the "marathon" (not "sprint") of combatting oppressive systems and behaviors.

Founder of the Panhellenic's Coalition for Women of Color (CWC) at Rutgers University, and member of Alpha Gamma Delta's International DE&I committee, Simone is dedicated to sharing her unfiltered experience, of both pride and struggle, in being a Black woman in predominantly white spaces, like Greek Life.

Based in Jersey City, NJ, Simone works full-time in media & advertising for the entertainment industry. When she is not working or speaking, you can find her training her rescue pup, Juice, or on food adventures eating all the must-try goodies!