Queer Eye for the Lambda Chi
Opening Netflix and seeing “Queer Eye for the Lambda Chi” splashed across the recommendations of things to watch was surreal earlier this summer. I am not sure if Netflix’s algorithm recognized me as a brother, staff member, or fan of New Orleans, but I was immediately intrigued seeing my brothers on Netflix.
Without much previous experience with Queer Eye, I was concerned. I worried that people would react unkindly, knowing that social media can be a place of hostile discourse focused on polarization rather than understanding. Part of my fraternity experience has been “growing up” in the light of #RushTok. I have seen firsthand the prominent role that media can play in defining the fraternity/sorority experience. I didn’t want misrepresentation to negatively impact the Lambda Chi Alpha brand.
This chapter participating in Queer Eye had its risks, whether that be exacerbating homophobic rhetoric and commentary, reinforcing incongruent fraternity stereotypes, or creating click-bait television that didn’t serve the men. On the flip side, the chapter had a lot to gain from the experience: free publicity, personal development, housing upgrades, and more. They took a chance, weighing the risks and the rewards, with support from the General Fraternity, and we are all thankful for what we learned from the episode.
Perception isn’t always Reality
“You being your true self isn’t going to offend anybody.” -Tan France
During the episode we saw some incongruencies that played into stereotypes about fraternity men. Between beer pong, door codes, and an early afternoon wakeup call, we know what the perception wanted us to think about the men before we got there. I remember my first instinct when I saw part with the door code was to cringe – the messaging was loud & clear that they were portraying a “frat” instead of a fraternity.
The fact is, brotherhood can’t be transformed overnight. Tan could have given each brother a new wardrobe and they still would have needed to do the internal work to see real, sustainable change. Brotherhood, in this instance, required overcoming preconceived perceptions represented by red solo cups scattered across the living room.
Instead of letting others' perceptions of us and the norms of our campuses define our reality, we have to proactively share the realities we know to be true. This means talking about the belonging and meaning that our brotherhood experience gives to potential new members. It means marketing the brotherhood and moments of meaningful connection, not just socials and sporting events.
Vulnerability is Key
“He needs to understand that being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.” - Karamo Brown
We often expect men to reject vulnerability. It is hard for men to talk about feelings (especially in public) due to unfair societal norms. In the episode there are countless examples of how these men chose to be vulnerable. While reactions to the house renovations and style changes were positive, the feedback about their vulnerability has been immense & positive. We continue to hear incredible stories from potential new members and current brothers about what this vulnerability meant to them in normalizing a new behavior: asking for help. We know, from our partnership with Dyad Strategies, vulnerability is crucial to belonging in fraternities. Norming that on national television is powerful in ensuring it permeates the culture of the General Fraternity.
So, how do we create this in your own chapter? We know that so many of you are hosting meaningful connection times during your initiation weeks. This may involve a fire or moment of sharing or presentation of a special item that’s unique to you. So many men share that the most pivotal time of their associate member process happened the week before initiation—both associate and initiated members. So why do we wait for one week to do this? Why not host these opportunities to build relationships and bonds more frequently?
We’re Here for a Reason.
“I still think it's weird that people are interested in what I like and what I represent.” - Antoni Porowski
We have to do a better job at remembering the fact that we are here for a reason. What separates fraternities & sororities from other organizations are our rituals, our lived values on display for others to see, and our inter/national purpose. We are not just XYZ Chapter at XYZ University. We are part of something bigger than ourselves. Fraternities and sororities were created to fill a need for belonging in humanity; they belong to create community and connection. Like it or not, good media and bad, others are interested in what we do and what we represent.
We make up large demographic of our campuses. We are important stakeholders in our communities. We serve, lead, and challenge norms. Fraternity done well is a powerful means to an end. This naturally breeds curiosity and interest from media and outsiders—we have got to figure out how we capitalize on that to promote and grow our organizations and consistently remind our members why we exist.
Show Don’t Tell.
“Inspiration can really strike from anywhere.” - Bobby Berk
There’s an overused saying in fraternity/sorority, that states: “from the outside you can’t understand it and from the inside you can’t explain it.” The beach scene flips this on its head; we can show brotherhood and sisterhood and the Lambda Chis at University of New Orleans (UNO) did that. Brotherhood and sisterhood are real. They are strong. They are life changing. This is our value proposition for the world; we need to continue to share it.
Debate swirls around media portrayal of fraternities and sororities, and how our community can operate in this environment. We can do this on our campuses too. Our “show” doesn’t have to be a big concert or raging party or crazy parade float, it can be a public display of love and connection and support. That is a powerful way to SHOW the world what siblinghood is all about. The connection between these brothers is tangible – you can feel it from the other side of the screen.
Tell Your own Story Before Someone Else Does.
“You have to advocate for yourself because no one else is going to do it.” -Jonathan Van Ness
Media is used to connect people who otherwise would never have been able to connect. The men of this chapter recognized the opportunity in front of them and created a positive image of their chapter. I think about what potential new members learned about them, who they really are, not just the letters on their shirts. We got a lens into their family-like culture, deep care for each other, and willingness to share with each other.
When we think about portraying our organizations, we recognize that much of the negative dialogue stems from truth. There are issues within our community that need to be resolved. Racism, homophobia, classism, and other pervasive issues are built into the DNA of our fraternal systems. We acknowledge the same communities we advocate for we must also work to change & continue to make more inclusive spaces.
Often, only insiders know the overwhelming GOOD that occurs in our communities. We don’t do a great job of telling that story. Queer Eye for Lambda Chi showed that we can take back the narrative and promote the good, while addressing our weaknesses. @fraternitysocialmedia wraps each of these lessons up in a clear message, “If you don’t tell your story, someone else will.” It’s intimidating and scary to trust a separate entity to show your story with authenticity and integrity. It takes courage and vulnerability, BUT the payoff may just be worth it.
We cannot keep allowing someone else to tell our story and expect different results. The impact of our organizations and our potential to change the world depends on us looking at this differently. We must recruit differently. We must promote our value proposition differently. We must tell our story differently. We can see first-hand how DYNAMIC the story is when we choose to tell it.
To the Brothers of the Lambda-Alpha Chapter at the University of New Orleans – thank you. Thank you for opening your doors to Queer Eye... and our communities’ hearts to each other. You all are inspiring, and I appreciate your recognition of vulnerability as a strength in a world that challenges that premise. I appreciate your readiness to demonstrate faith, hope, and brotherly love for the whole world to see. As you capitalize on the strength of your connections (not the beautiful renovations of your house), you can be a shining example of how to promote the fraternal experience in an innovative way.
Keith Stubblebine
Keith Stubblebine is a Chapter Support Specialist for Lambda Chi Alpha Fraternity. He supports a portfolio of other chapters as they seek to grow in quality and quantity. While the impact of the Lambda-Alpha Zeta of Lambda Chi Alpha’s Queer Eye spotlight is yet to be known, he is excited to see how these men continue to grow.
